out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
