1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
