My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize