well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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