You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
