So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
