The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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