Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
