Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
