i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
