i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
