i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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