but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
