you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
