why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
