mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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