i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
