happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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