I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
