Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
