K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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