he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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