I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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