I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
