ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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