He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
