Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just tell him i said nine months
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
