Do you still have your period?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
