i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
