the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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