I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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