I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
