how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
