so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
