Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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