So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
