Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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