I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
