fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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