batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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