I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
