you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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