I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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