His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
