STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
