there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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