OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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