I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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