My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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