More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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