Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
