Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
