I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
