i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
