you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
