I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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