I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
