can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
