guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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