he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
