who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
