He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
