Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
