I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
