Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
