3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
