turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
