Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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