the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
