my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Screwed.edu
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize