i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
