Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
