Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Please, let me fuck your mom
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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