She tied me up with her honor cords...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize