Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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