His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
